MotherLOVE was born of the intention to live well after reaching the long hard won benchmark of surviving the death of my child. Survival is not a given. For many years, as it is for many grieving mothers, it was a question mark. And then one day, nearly four years after my son’s death, I arrived at the stark realization I had survived, and would likely continue to survive, but how? The question of Life, not survival, now loomed large before me. It could so easily become nothing more than an endurance contest, one I could win, as the past four years bore out. Surviving grief takes Godly proportions of endurance. Believe me. But living well takes more than that. My love for my son: his love for me. It deserves more than the sheer will of endurance. In fact, it calls forth, even demands, living well. Our love is so much bigger than survival, or endurance contests, or even death. In this eternal love, I realized, lay my answer and my path. Living well through living love, the best I can each day.
Love, in its purest form, is infinite. By its very nature, it is not limited to a specific recipient. We can never replace our children. We would never want to. We can, however, honor them, their life, and the love we share. We can wake up and dedicate each day to the love of our child. We can say, “Today, I live in honor of you.” Now that demands living well. We can tap the eternal source of Mother Love and manifest its presence in the world around us. And as our love becomes boundless, and we extend the love for our child to every child, every human, every living creature, and equally importantly, to ourselves, we cannot help but find, more and more, that we are living well through living love.
It is important to note that living well does not necessarily mean we ever completely stop grieving, that we transcend our loss, or heaven forbid, time heals. At least not in my experience thus far. I miss my boy everyday. I am grateful for his life everyday. Both. Two sides of the coin of love. What living well means is expanding our hearts to hold what I have come to term the full bowl of life, with all of its pain and all of its joy, the always one more that Life continues to offer us, and to consciously step back into the world with deep awareness of our own unique bowl and our shared infinite capacity to offer and receive love.